Let us just face it. When we hear the words “bullying” or “bully,” the first association is a school hall where the big guys with the faces unweighted with intelligence are snubbing a poor dweeby boy. However, the issue of bullying concerns no longer deliberately schools, it has become the problem which the students in college, as well as the adults at the workplace, encounter with. It is due to the fact that those school-time bullies have not disappeared by magic, they have transformed from the classroom squabblers into the full-aged citizens with all rights. The difference is that there is no more a principal to report to about “his bad behavior,” there are only your situation and you. Therefore, it is a high time for you to make the first step to get acquainted with your real enemy.
“Just Disregard”
The best advice that we can hear from our friends or relatives is “just to disregard.” Such advisors are convinced that if you do not react emotionally on bully’s harassments, he or she will just stop doing it not getting an expected feedback. Nevertheless, ask yourself a question, “Does it have an impact on my life?” If no, then fine, continue ignoring; maybe that is really the best option for you. However, if you feel uncomfortable and depressed with the existing situation, if you understand that it hurts and bothers you, then, certainly, you need to act with due diligence to resolve the situation.
Ignoring the bullies and turning a blind eye to such kind of issue is not an option. In a present situation, everything will only get worse, in the supposed future conflicts in your life, everything will be repeated by the same pattern.
Shut Your Eyes and Pretend that Everything Is Okay
What is more, those people that give you a piece of advice to sit tight and wait that the problem will be resolved by itself are somehow the voiceless accomplices. Consequently, such bystanders enable a bully to proceed acting further in the same way not meeting with resistance to his/her address. If you are a bystander and you are reading this article, note that a half of bullying cases could be avoided, if a bystander had been involved. Moreover, no one forces you to fight or harshly offense the bully; sometimes it is enough just to take the side of the victim. Remember, dear bystander, bullying will continue while you are witnessing it and saying nothing.
Possible Remedies
Write Everything Down
It is very effective to document everything said to you from a bully. You can use even a voice recorder. If it is a cyber-bullying, then keep all messages from the definite correspondence in a file on a computer or print it out to show later to your boss or those who can affect the situation.
Seek for Outside Help
If you have decided to do something about the bully, think twice about your personal ability to do it by yourself. If you feel that you are not strong enough or simply unable to overcome your fear and say something into the face of your opponent, then seek help from a third party. Such assistance can be really beneficial in the similar situations. If such conflict appeared at work, then you should talk to an HR representative (besides, it is his/her direct responsibility). Or the discussed issue occurred in your private life, do not hesitate and contact with an advocate or someone who can legally resolve the problem.
Of course, you can always seek your relatives, friends, spouse, or boss’s assistance. However, as we already discussed it earlier, instead of a real ally on your side, you can get a hardly valuable piece of advice to create the appearance of supporting. In this way, sometimes it is even better to act alone. Read more here.
Lone Warrior
If you have decided to sort out your problems by yourself, then remember. A bully is a kind of people that are already psychologically unstable and insecure or imply hidden aggression. And I hope it will help you, but bullies are who they are because, presumably, these people are full of their own subconscious complexes that drive them in a certain way to overcompensate their seeming inferiority that results more often in extreme asocial behavior.
That is why build a definite line of your behavior with a bully. Do not engage a big group of people (it will be enough to call for a one person, in case something goes wrong). Do not approach the bully too emotionally, it can evoke even more emotional bully’s reaction. It is advisable to be prepared well in advance and though out the main points which you would like to bring to the bully. It is better also to go with him/her in a private place where there are no prying eyes (so, exclude campus or office); it can be café or a conference room.
To set the tone of a conversation, try to say some pleasant things about a bully; something like, “Frank, we have been working together already for six years. You are smart and professional regarding working moments, but do not you think that you went too far in… (describe situations)?” Then list main facts, points, and situations that were abusive for you. Note that all these you have to air without feelings.
Do not turn your narration into a screaming match as well as do not allow the bully to cow you. Find a balance and be firm regarding your position. However, give a chance to the bully to express his thoughts regarding the conflict; it must be an open-ended conversation.
All in all, remember that every difficult situation has a solution, and being bullied is not an exception. Moreover, our society needs heroes and every great change begins with a small step. Who knows, maybe, your situation can be an encouraging example for somebody else facing a similar challenge.