To Study with a Narcissist: How to Deal with Selfish Group Mates

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Narcissus Man

“From where I’m sitting, I AM the center of the Universe!” - Sebastyne Young

Narcissuses are not only fragile flowers but also people for whom it is vitally important to demonstrate their uniqueness, living in a blaze of publicity. We will make an attempt to find out whether their existence is really so cloudless or not. Moreover, we will try to consider the educational field as a breeding ground for narcissists to realize their arrogance. In that regard, we will make the list of possible pieces of advice to help you co-exist with such people.

We Are All Not Roses and Daisies

Who of us secretly did not dream of fame and popularity, let them first throw the Oscar into me! The desire to show one's talent, realize oneself, and to receive recognition are quite natural. It is supported by society and all sorts of motivating trainings in the spirit of "Become a superhero in one month!" or "Build a global corporation without leaving home." But at the same time, the obsessive desire to become famous, at least at the level of the university group, and stand out in the eyes of the teacher at the expense of others can show a narcissist in a human.

Where is the line beyond which healthy ambitions turn into an attempt to fill in the emotional emptiness with the attention of others? Let us look into.

Straight A-Student for Ever

In our society, the word "narcissist" in relation to another person often sounds with a note of envy: They say, who but he or she really knows his/her own worth. Moreover, such personalities often attract to themselves a whole crowd of fans who naively believe that since these people value themselves so highly, it is definitely not for nothing.

Student Raises Hand

But in practice, narcissism is a serious pathology of the person, deep self-discontent, and inner emptiness that cannot be filled out. According to statistics, to some extent, about 35% of people is inclined to narcissism, the most part are women. Like all basic harmful directives, this deviation comes from childhood.

These phrases seem to be innocent, "Look what a good boy John is, built a plane for the father and has tied up a carpet for the mom; not like you" or "If you will learn Esperanto, then I'll hug you" - the child is born with the certainty that he or she is worse than the rest, is unworthy of love, and only his/ her achievements attract the closest people. Do lessons, get good grades, clean the apartment, act in accordance with the expectations of others –are the child's responsibilities, but the point of "being yourself" is often absent in this list.

The parents attempting to realize their unfulfilled dreams at the expense of their children also contribute to the appearance of a narcissist in the world. One of my friends was forced to do gymnastics for three hours per day and learn languages the rest of the time. When the girl grew up, she left the sport, almost stopped contacting with her parents and became very friendly with antidepressants. Surely, one of your friends is just such a parent who makes his/her child attending all courses of early development and creativity at the same time.

But such children often do not get the most necessary thing for the formation of a healthy self-esteem, it is a feeling of unconditional love and acceptance of his/her personality. Growing up, the narcissists still tend to conquer the whole world (and not always in a figurative sense as history shows) in the hope that all their achievements will fill in the place in the soul where should be love for oneself.

Sad Child

At the Desk with a Narcissist

When it goes about college, such students try always to be the best in everything and raise their hand when it is needed and not. At the same time, they can be really smart and deserve to be appreciated. However, smartness can serve to the good as well as to the evil. Everything depends on individual’s traits and human qualities.

A narcissist always tries to express his/her opinion, even if no one asked. They sincerely believe that they know more than others, regardless of the topic of a conversation. Such people also like insanely to talk on and on, and cannot concentrate on what the interlocutor says, as they are usually too busy thinking about what they will say as soon as you, finally, shut up. When they speak, you can notice how much they enjoy the sounds of their own voice.

According to my mind, the mission to detect the narcissist or its roots in a student is entrusted partially on a teacher that must not encourage such behavior and avert it.

If your classmate is exactly such type of a person, then do not be angry or not have a grouch on him/her, yet understand such individual and make an attempt to help.

  1. Try to communicate and start a kind of friendship;
  2. Make him/her open to you. Almost for sure, a narcissist has its own problems (However, this step is connected with personal things and can be omitted);
  3. If you hear again the narcissist cherishing with his/her superiority, telling everyone about all “A” marks, you can start joking at the narcissist. The main condition is to make it without evil and sarcasm; If you want to know more about the narcissist nature, follow this link.
Man with Mask

However, there is always a variant to be flexible:

  1. If the situation allows, then you can simply ignore the flow of "useful" pieces of advice or, thanking the narcissist, continue to move in your direction. Be careful and do not enter into dialogue with a narcissist that talks about things that he/she does not understand.
  2. The fact is that a direct confrontation is likely to cause an irresistible desire in the narcissist to prove to you at all costs that he/she is right. Note, the key phrase here is "by all means", that is, a heated discussion and wasted time are guaranteed to you.
  3. If it happened that your groupmate turned out to be such a "guru" and makes your stay at class just unbearable, then show him/her some kind of humility and a willingness to give in. Try to be open to his/her suggestions, even if they seem absurd to you, often for such narcissuses are enough only to be listened to and approved by a wordless audience. Ultimately, by interacting with these "know-it-alls", you can come to the conclusion that these are rather annoying, but generally harmless people.

To conclude, expressing yourself and achieving success – these are certainly not the vices, but the normal desires. The difference is that a person with an adequate self-esteem will enjoy the very process of creation. A narcissist aspires to success as to an end point in the hope that a grand victory will finally fill the inner void.

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